September 2010
i just don't know anymore..
i’ve been doing so good, being so positive lately.
i’ve been telling myself that i can do this, this will be an amazing year for me. that i’ll finally get a boyfriend who will actually like me instead of only asking me out because his friend told him to do it.
i’ve been telling myself that i’m gonna go out for sports this year and i’m going to be one of those...
August 2010
i have no idea what day im on - so i'll just do 2...
day nine - something you’re proud of in the past few days
well when i saw this a few days ago i was going to say that i was proud of the fact that i hadn’t fought with my mom in awhile. but that pretty much fell apart on saturday.
so i guess something that i’m proud of in the past few days is that i’ve been doing all of my homework and turning it all in. i’ve been...
Im sorry that i need to buy books for sxhool. Im sorry that i hate this goddamn house that only has one bathroom and only one tv. Im sorry that i hate the fact that i cant turn off all the lights in my “room” and have it be truly dark. Im sorry that i am disgusted by this dirty kitchen and this dirty house.
Im sorry that you so obviously hate me, and that theres nothing i can do that...
sometimes i just really get annoyed by people.
first off, let me just say that i respect that someone has a religion, that they are committed to it and they believe in it. and that is totally fine.
but what i really hate is when they try to push it onto me. let me clarify here, im referring to my grandma and my mom.
yes, we all have the same religion. but i dont want to get up at 7 in the morning on a sunday and dress up just to go sit in a...
day eight - short term goals for this month and...
okay, well i’m just gonna go ahead and make the goals for september, since august is practically over.
1. meet at least 10 new people that i can call friends- because right now i’m just awkwardly talking to the people who talk to me. i can’t really call them friends yet. their just people i’ve had a conversation with.
2. hang out with one of those friends outside of...
i hate guys who give mixed signals.
even if they do it unknowingly. there’s always that one guy who is just always looking at me whenever i look at him. except this year the guy staring back at me is actually smiling and laughing, as opposed to looking mysterious and brooding. but of course he has a girlfriend. mixed signals, people! stop sending them. because i sure as hell do not enjoy receiving them.
things are getting better
every day i’m talking to another person, and i’ve already made one ‘facebook official’ friend:D
so far the only thing i’m not liking is the lunch. Everytime i eat the school lunch i feel like im about to barf. D:
I can’t wait until the weekend when i can get food to bring to school.
the teachers are crazy, insane, and all just a little off. but the kids...
1 tag
day two - the meaning behind your Tumblr name
well the actual screenname is breewillis, so i think that’s pretty self-explanitory; its my name.
the blog name used to be “my life”, now its “the life of an aspiring author” because I wanted to document the writting process for me. But I’ve done no writing in about 5 months. So I think I might change the name again.
Sometimes I just wish that you would talk to me like you used to.
But it’s too late now. I can’t change the past and fix the mistakes.
And even though I know this I still wait patiently for the day that you message me saying, “Hey” even though I know it will never happen.
But hey, a girl can dream, right?
i miss you
30 day blog challenge →
day one - a recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day two - the meaning behind your Tumblr name day three - a picture of you and your friends day four - a habit that you wish you didn’t have day five - a picture of somewhere you’ve been to day six - favorite…
“I took a chance, I took a shot,
And you might think I’m bulletproof but I’m not.
You took a swing, I took it hard,
And down here from the ground, I see who you are”
made another friend today:) and that brings the count up to a whopping 2 people! omfg too many to count, right?
i honestly had no opinion going into school today other than “im tired. when can i go home to sleep?” which is basically a normal day of school for just about anyone.
i got to fencing, discovered that the mistake in my second semester schedule that got fixed somehow screwed...
shessolove-ely asked: hey B,
for now i admit defeat in our "battle" :P.ok soo in all seriousness and i say that because you know i joke a lot. but I miss you so much and I don't know if this will help you or not, but i just wanted to tell you that things will get better and i will always be here for you. it may sound cliche, but i promise you it will. if i could go there and go to school with you...
for now i admit defeat in our "battle" :P.ok soo in all seriousness and i say that because you know i joke a lot. but I miss you so much and I don't know if this will help you or not, but i just wanted to tell you that things will get better and i will always be here for you. it may sound cliche, but i promise you it will. if i could go there and go to school with you...
I find myself wanting to be back with everyone, even the people who hated me and who I hated. Because at least with them I knew where I stood.
Day 1
The only thing I can compare today to is like being one of those kittens up for adoption at petco. There were people who smiled as I passed, one or two who spoke out and said something like “hey I like your shirt”. But other than one helpful person the entire day I spoke to no one and no one spoke to me. (excluding the teachers and office staff)
I woke up this morning less nervous...
I haven’t really grasped that I’m here for good. Yeah I’ve gone to orientation and got school crap and all that, but it hasn’t really sunk in yet.
Somehow i just can’t put my whole heart into this. Not like I was able to when I started over all those other times. Something makes me think that I wont ever feel right here. Because part of what made me want to move...
the lying days: You know, looking back I don’t... →
You know, looking back I don’t think I ever loved him, really. I guess I talked myself into it. I don’t know why I did it—he didn’t have feelings for me. But anyway, I gave myself over to loving him fully and completely. It was futile and it broke me, even if it wasn’t real.
He was the best….
I can’t sleep.
Orientation tomorrow. I guess it’s time for life to start back up again.
I almost wish it wouldn’t have too.
But life goes on whether we want it to or not. It’s time to start a new chapter in my life.
I just wish I knew what the ending of this book is going to be.
How does saying nothing at all become so loud? When does the silence settle in? Nothing’s wrong but nothing’s right We hold our breath and close our eyes And skate out on that ice that’s wearing thin How do we get so numb it don’t even hurt? Yeah, why are we so comfortably still? Here we are pretending that we’re doing fine Just scratching at the surface, just getting...
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do, than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
“Oh half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation,
half of my heart takes...”
– Half of my Heart - John Mayer :)
I'm taking big steps
To ensure that I get over you. I’m almost there too. (that rhymed,hahah:) like right now I added you on facebook. I did it on a whim, like when I tried to add Robert but was afraid too. I basically just told myself “either he accepts it or not. Just do it” and I clicked the button. I just stopped thinking about it.
I really hope he accepts it though, not because I still like...
Nothing to say..
The weird thing is, there’s so much going on in my life right now. But lately I’ve just been feeling…empty.
Something’s missing.
